Supermom

5 Apr

Yesterday we went to my friend Supermom’s house for Easter Dinner and the traditional egg hunt.  I had been planning to do a small lunch for just Hubs, Sweet Pea, and me, and when she found out she invited us to join her family.  We showed up after church with potato casserole and a basket full of eggs for hiding. 

As I walked into her kitchen I realized that my little potato casserole was hardly needed.  She was baking a ham (Baking…a ham…from scratch.)  She had boiled potatoes for homemade mashed potatoes.  She had a homemade fruit salad, with homemade whipped cream.  She made broccoli rice casserole, and green bean casserole.  And her mom made cornbread dressing.  From scratch. 

And then there were the desserts!  In their family it is tradition to decorate a bunny cake, which the girls had done the afternoon before.  Then there were cookies and rice krispie treat bunny pops.  And she had picked up a cheesecake assortment from Cheesecake Factory, just in case.

My friend has a monogram company (check it out!), so her girls (ages 8 and 6) were dressed in absolutely adorable skirts with monogrammed tank tops to match.  She admitted that this was a last minute effort, but they were finished and completely precious in their finery. 

I started out as a Supermom.  Sweet Pea had new monogrammed dresses for every occasion (with matching bows, no less.)  My parties were thoroughly ‘themed out’.  I made homemade this and that, and it all came out perfectly at just the right time and temperature. 

And then, slowly, things changed.  She resisted.  I struggled.  I would pour myself into something for her only to have it fail miserably when she melted down.  My expectations changed.   She can’t handle huge parties.  She doesn’t appreciate the time spent on homemade.  After a miserable afternoon spent shopping for something new,  I was just glad for her to wear a dress (any dress!) on Easter, period.

Things are different now.  Instead of monograms on dresses I’m inscribing character on her heart.  Little, painful stitches that will someday become the unique personality of a beautiful woman.   I still do homemade:  homemade hugs, homemade words of encouragement, homemade winks and nudges.  I can still ‘theme it out’ with the best of ’em, but our theme tends to be more simple.  I say it over and over again…Calm.  Our house is calm.  Stay calm.  Be calm. 

It’s easy to beat myself up when I’m around *perfect* mothers.  But you know what?  That’s not my calling.  I’ve been called to be Sweet Pea’s Supermom, and monograms and party themes aren’t needed.  My superpower is presence.  In the morning when she thinks her world is going to end because she can’t find a certain stuffed animal.  In the afternoon when she cries that she has no friends after another rough day at recess.  At night when she can’t sleep…again.   Presence when she wants to run away, and I want to run away too.   Presence when she defies me…in public…and I think I’ll die of embarassment.   Presence when my heart hurts so badly I want to crawl under my covers and weep for days. 

Presence.

Every minute, every hour, every day…until she doesn’t need my superpowers anymore. 

**NOTE:   I was obviously inspired to write this blog by my Superfriend, but I do not *in any way* mean to imply that she  is not a PHENOMENAL mother, because she is.  She has shown unconditional love to our family, and continues to nurture a friendship between her daughters and Sweet Pea despite the obvious challenges.  She has stood up for Sweet Pea when other parents were being ugly.  And she loves Jesus.  So please don’t even think of writing something sassy about her in the comments.  ‘Cause then I’ll have to pull out some other superpowers and strike you down!!  🙂

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12 Responses to “Supermom”

  1. Laura April 5, 2010 at 2:36 pm #

    I love it. You are a supermom…especially to realize you don’t have to be one. Tough lesson. I’m finally catching it!

    Ah. The power of presence!

    Love your heart!

  2. meg April 5, 2010 at 2:59 pm #

    Thank You. I should print this and tape it in an obvious place. As we talked about, being simple is sometimes SO hard in an “over the top” world. And I want to be that SUPER mom. Thank you for reminding me that I AM a Super mom – just tailored to my kids own unique needs. LOVE YOU!!!

  3. Darla April 5, 2010 at 3:17 pm #

    “instead of monograms on dresses I’m inscribing character on her heart.”

    Katy, that is beautiful and powerful and meaningful … and I love it. Love it, love you … and love the presence you are for Abigail. She’s a fortunate little girl … even though I KNOW 5th graders don’t consider themselves “little girls”!

  4. richard April 5, 2010 at 5:12 pm #

    You are a Supermom! God knew what he was doing when he gave Ab such great parents. You are loved and prayed for!

  5. Janie Kolman April 5, 2010 at 5:32 pm #

    What wonderful description of a loving, understanding mom. As an educator, and a mom of a now 23 year old son, you know sometimes it is not their fault, and all we can do is try and make things better. When they hurt, we hurt. Bravo for knowing how much the moments of “homemade hugs” will build a loving, safe place for your little Sweet Pea. You are a supermom! Raise that beautiful voice in song, “Just a spoonful of sugar….”:}
    Janie Kolman (Crystal Gulley’s friend, just a San Pedro groupie.

  6. Angela Crumley April 5, 2010 at 5:45 pm #

    What a wonderful blog. Sounds to me like the most important ingredient in a “supermom” is presence. When all is said and done, what our children will remember most is that we were there. I surely hope my “sweet pea” thinks I was there through thick and thin. She won’t remember what she wore and that her bows always matched (which they still do), but she will remember the days at the park after school, making cookies for no reason at all, and snuggles on the couch. You have inspired me to make my presence the most important present I give my child. Thanks for your words.

  7. Crohn's for Kate April 5, 2010 at 10:09 pm #

    Something bigger than ourselves. I love you.

  8. Amy Hennessee April 6, 2010 at 12:06 pm #

    Sounds like Supermom has the gift of hospitality. What a wonderful gift! Always wanted it, but definitely don’t have it. We mothers do ourselves a great disservice with the comparison game. Each one of us is uniquely created with special gifts. I am not a good hostess or a good cook, but I can organize with the best of em and I give great hugs. I also play a mean game of Trouble. I, too, compare myself to Supermoms and always come up short. But my Supermom powers only come out when I’m alone with my daughters. I’m like Batman — er — Batmom. Thanks for sharing, K. You’re a gifted writer.

  9. anymommy April 8, 2010 at 12:24 am #

    You are awesome. You got this so right. She is supermom in one way, but you are just as super, as powerful, as perfect, in your way. You are what that incredible, difficult, perfect daughter of yours needs. I love you. I miss you when you’re not around.

  10. Cherry April 13, 2010 at 4:58 pm #

    Wonderful post! You are a wonderful writer.

    At 60 yrs. of age, I have not figured out who mailed out the Supermom instructions and invitations concerning homemade. I’m beginning to really think I know & it isn’t God. Anything to keep us feeling guilty, with shattered confidence, and striving toward a goal God never called us to.

    My 28 year old son told me at Christmas that he didn’t need
    ‘over the top’, and was quite happy with a simple hamburger or chips & salsa, or anything that required little preparation, also chinette rather than china, etc. So, my theme for this year is: relax, release, back off, and that I must loosen my grip on managing perfection by lowering my need to be perfect. I’ve not at any time felt that others must be perfect. I’m well able to expect little from others. It’s myself that is my biggest problem.

    Blessings to you!

  11. GG April 13, 2010 at 10:30 pm #

    Wow, beautiful!

  12. Sherry April 14, 2010 at 3:49 pm #

    So beautiful

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