Great American Stink Out – Update #2

19 Jan

Happy MLK day, everyone!! 

Thought y’all might like an update from the stink-front.  First, poor Hubs is going out of his mind.  I guess working in a hospital sort of immunized me against certain things…let’s put it this way:   I worked with LOTS of kids who stank.  So it doesn’t really freak me out.  But Hubs?  Freaked out.  It’s killing him.  Send him some love, wouldja?

Second, I’m gonna need a ruling on what occured Saturday.  Hubs talked her into a “wipe-down” – meaning she stood in the tub while he bathed her (shoulders down) with a washcloth.  Her hair is still unwashed, her fingernails are filthy.  In my mind it doesn’t count, but in the interest of complete disclosure I felt I should share that with y’all.

Interestingly, she keeps talking about the “fight” of taking a bath.  This morning I suggested that since she’s going back to school tomorrow she might want to consider getting a bath and washing her hair today.  Her response was “if we’re not going to fight about it, I’m not going to do it.”  There is something about that power struggle that must feel REALLY good to her, even though in the midst of it she screams bloody murder.  I am resolved that we are NOT going to fight about it, so this could be awhile.  I know I have quite a few readers with kids who are similar in temperment to my Stink Pea, so if y’all have any thoughts or suggestions I’d love to hear them.

I have to say y’all’s encouragement has truly buoyed my spirits this week.  Meg’s suggestion to “stay upwind” got me really good.  And Vaniqua keeps singing Bob Marley songs on my voicemail, as she’s got her fingers crossed that Stink Pea grows some dreads.  That is good times. 

We also have two more additions to the pool:  Paul has chosen the 23rd, and my dad (who for some reason didn’t want to comment) has chosen the 31st.  I’m letting him play anyway because, you know, he’s my dad.

Hope everyone has a great day today, and a fabulous Inauguration Day tomorrow.  Peace!!

PS.  Big shout-out to Paul, who will be working behind the scenes for the Air Force at the parade tomorrow.


10 Responses to “Great American Stink Out – Update #2”

  1. meg January 19, 2009 at 1:53 pm #

    We’re doing the exact same thing, only with poop… D keeps pooping in his pants. Our behavioral therapist has had us implement “the ignore rule”. We are not to talk poop, mention poop or make a big deal about it when he does poop (unless its in the toilet). Obviously, we can’t just ignore the poop in the pants (believe, me, we’ve tried that route, but it doesn’t phase him….) but, while cleaning him up, no looking directly at him and no emotion or talking whatsoever. We’ve had to warn teacher, neighbors and family not to ask us about the issue in front of him. We can ask him if he needs to go, or remind him its time to try, but we can’t make a big deal about it. All in the same lines as sweet pea…. its a control thing. Don’t give in to the fight or reward them with ANY attention from the issue (good or bad) and it will subside.

    We were forwarned that there will be a spike of the bad behavior right before it stops. (called an estinguish burst) We’re still hoping it works. Meanwhile, I’m trying not to gag and or show anger over the almost 5 year old still pooping in his pants up to three times a day.

    Good luck my friend! And may the winds stay strong downwind for us both!!!

  2. Erin January 19, 2009 at 3:53 pm #

    Alright, I want in on this. I think the little one is as stubborn as I was at her age. I think she will hold out even when the kids at school say something, even when the teachers say something! This is obviously about the “fight,” so if you’re not giving her one, then she will ride this out as long as she’s able. For your sake, I hope I’m wrong, but I give her until February 1 (SUPER BOWL).

  3. Donna January 19, 2009 at 5:30 pm #

    If it’s not to late to get in on the betting I will take the 28th as no one else seems to have tried that one.

  4. anymommy January 19, 2009 at 7:49 pm #

    Hang in there, we haven’t renamed you Smelly Girl’s Mom yet. On a serious note, these control battles are hell, even when as a parent I try to step out of it completely (which you are doing an awesome job of doing), the behaviors still cause me to go insane inside my head. In my house, it’s the screaming tantrums. My daughter can scream for an hour over a small upset, getting louder the more she is ignored. Dude, she’s not truly upset, she’s just trying to provoke a reaction from me, even another consequence, quietly delivered, fuels her fire. Unfortunately, there have been times when I’ve yelled and that is the payoff for her.

    Anyway, I just wanted to say that I get how hard this really is for you and how obsessive some children can get about ‘the fight.’

  5. Julie January 19, 2009 at 8:26 pm #

    Way to go, Katy, for hanging in there!! I second everything meg said above- she’s right on the money!! The trick seems to be outlasting that desire for a fight. Tell Lane he has to fake it BIG TIME to exude vibes of “I don’t care if you smell all the way to college…your choice, sister!”

    Maybe she should accompany you on a fun outing of lunch and say, a whirl around Bath and Body Works while YOU (not her!) choose some wonderful, pampering things for your shower!

    Keep up the good work and tell Lane to breathe through his mouth!

  6. Paul January 19, 2009 at 8:44 pm #

    I say find an indoor pool and let her swim for an hour.

  7. Barb January 19, 2009 at 8:59 pm #

    So interesting that she wants the fight. I know it is tough but I would absolutely not give her that fight. Then you will have to start all over. Did she fight Hubs for that wipe-down or did they negotiate peacefully?

  8. Patrick January 20, 2009 at 12:38 am #

    I feel for you sister! For no reason, I’m picking February 6. This is about control and mind over matter. If she does not mind, it doesn’t matter. Share with her that you know a boy (not me) that did the same thing and was labeled “Stinky” for the rest of his life. Even though it happened in elementary school, he was labeled “Stinky” throughout middle and high school. In school, once the kids name you something, it always is there even when you outgrow it. I do recall a guy who farted in class and we still bring it up to this day (don’t tell her that one)! Let her know it is still her choice, but you wanted to let her know being permanently labeled by peers was a possibility. In school, I let all of the kids know that all behavior has a consequence. I would make T-Charts with kids and we would write all of the positive things about a behavior on one side and all of the negative things on the other. You could have her weigh the + & – of taking a bath (or not taking one). Keeping in mind that you are not trying to influence her decision, you just want her to be fully aware of the pros and cons of bathing. I wanted kids to make their own decisions but at the same time be fully aware of the + & – of their decisions. Hang in there! This is something you and she will laugh about on her wedding day!

  9. Jessica Bern January 20, 2009 at 4:14 pm #

    My sister had a son like that who now bathes regularly b/c she told him girls don’t like boys who smell…

  10. wa January 20, 2009 at 6:16 pm #

    Not sure what’s going on here, exactly, but it sounds pretty entertaining. For me, anyway.

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