Kiss Today Goodbye

8 Oct

Tonight on Project Runway (why aren’t you watching???) Jerell (one of the final contestants) said something that completely took the wind out of my sails.  It was something along the lines of “I’m fabulous, and when I’m 80 I’m going to go to the Met and attend a retrospective of my life.”  This is a 27 year old, who believes so deeply in himself that he can see success happening over the course of the next 50 years. 

Talk about long-range planning.  Something about that just got me.

The truth is,  I’m so concerned about TODAY that I don’t leave much room for the fact that success may come much later in life.  I feel like if I’m not fabulous RIGHT NOW, then I’ll never be fabulous.  And I’ve just GOT to be fabulous!

Interestingly, when it comes to family, I’m much more long-range.  I look forward to the days when Hubs and I will have an empty nest.  (Not that I don’t totally love Sweet Pea, but sometimes too much of a good thing…you know?)  We’ve already got plans for our 20th wedding anniversary, which will be celebrated on a whirlwind tour of Europe.

But for myself, I apparently need immediate gratification. 

I saw a woman in her 60’s win a Tony this year.  I want to believe THAT level of greatness could still be in my future.  (Not literally.  I don’t literally think I’m going to win a Tony.  I’m using this as an example.)  And yet I often think “have I missed my opportunity?”  Was my opportunity sometime between the ages of 18-21? Did I let it pass me by?

BUT, I’m not one for regrets.  Which is why I continue to try to make my moments count.  Not just as a wife, or mom, but as ME.  Me, the crazy middle-aged singer-actress.  Right or wrong, I just can’t put that on the back burner.  There’s guilt there, but somehow I believe that feeding my passion makes me a better wife and mother. 

Selfish?  Maybe. 

Necessary?  Absolutely.

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2 Responses to “Kiss Today Goodbye”

  1. Melinda October 9, 2008 at 2:17 pm #

    I think you can still win a Tony. You never know. Katy, you are fabulous!

  2. anymommy October 10, 2008 at 3:35 pm #

    I agree 100%. And, I think it makes you a better wife and especially a better mother because you are showing your daughter how to live so that she puts herself first when she needs to. It’s so important for people, but especially women, to know that it’s okay to do that.

    I struggle with how much of my life has already slipped by too, but there are always possibilities for the future, right?!

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