I’m in a Funk

21 Jul

And I don’t mean funkytown, like it’s a good thing. I mean a good old-fashioned funk.

It probably has to do with the fact that I had a birthday last week. I used to look forward to my birthdays. I loved the celebration, the “me-time”…but no more. Last Thursday was one of the worst days I’ve had in months.

I woke up at 5:30 am with a serious anxiety attack. I was in Houston at a friend’s house, so there wasn’t much I could do to deal with it. At 7:00 I finally left their house to get some breakfast but I couldn’t really eat. I was in town to do a show, so I did that and then went to my in-laws where I dumped Sweet Pea while I took a 2 1/2 hour nap. That’s just pitiful. A couple of my girlfriends took me and Sweet Pea out that night, but I pretty much faked it. It sucked.

I thought that getting back home would make things better, but so far it’s been two days of the doldrums. I just can’t get on top of it, and if I knew what was wrong I might be able to make headway but I’m just blah and I don’t know why.

Is it age? Is this a mid-life crisis? I certainly feel older. My body is falling apart and my mind is just a big pot of mush. Ugh.

I’m not even gonna lie: I love youth. I guess I better turn that ship around, huh? Gotta find a way to love age. But what’s there to love? Flabby skin, brown spots, wrinkles, hair that falls out, the inability to sleep all the way through the night…I could go on and on.

Okay, let me try again. What’s there to love? Wisdom. Experience. Security. Confidence. Those aren’t bad.

I guess I’ll have to hang on to that: the wisdom that comes with knowing that you learn from your funks, the experience that tells me that this too shall pass, the security of knowing that no matter how flabby my sweet Hubs will be there, and the confidence that I really am ONLY 36, and 36 is the new 26, so I’m in it to win it!



13 Responses to “I’m in a Funk”

  1. T. July 21, 2008 at 1:16 pm #

    Um, ditto. To pretty much all of it, except my BD was last May.


  2. Sarah July 21, 2008 at 3:16 pm #

    I posted about the same thing today…except I took it a step further than a funk…I called it an all-out depression. It was also my birthday last week as well (Happy Birthday, by the way!). But I don’t think it’s related to that in my case…I think I finally went on mental overload with everything we deal with…and my stupid insane need to do eerything myself.

    Hopefully we’ll both pull out of it soon!! Doldrums are no fun at ALL.

  3. Julie July 21, 2008 at 5:44 pm #

    First of all, 36 is not old (mostly because I’m 37) and birthdays are meant to be celebrated no matter how old we are! My grandmother always told me that having another birthday was “better than the alternative.” So, tell hubby you want a belated birthday cake, blow out the candles and CELEBRATE that you are here, alive, healthy and well!! Smile!

    And, by the way, is age really the reason I can no longer sleep through the night??? What’s up with that? I always blamed it on the fact that my sleep was always disrupted by kids and my body just “forgot” how to sleep well. You’re a nurse…is there anything we can do about it? I’d LOVE a full nights sleep again!

  4. Around The Funny Farm July 21, 2008 at 8:26 pm #

    I’m in a funk too. But I don’t think it is my age. That never seems to bother me. I’ll be 40 in a few months. I’m okay with that. Workouts are my friend….

    My funk is caused my in-laws who stay fooorevverrrhh… and while I dearly love them…22 days is about 19 days to long. It’s a long story. *sigh*

  5. anymommy July 21, 2008 at 10:06 pm #

    It is hard to accept. I still think of myself as young and then I look in the mirror and…not so much. Here’s my big beef about being 35 – why do I still have zits. That’s just wrong, god, really.

    Happy birthday. I wish you a full night’s sleep and a better day tomorrow.

  6. mdw July 21, 2008 at 11:20 pm #

    Here’s some tough love chica…My gosh, would you get over it already?! You are in your mid-thirties – so what! I mean c’mon its not like you’re sitting around the house in your pajamas all day…oh wait. Dr.’s recommendation…go outside. Take a walk, a hike, a bike, a swim, whatever. Drink a Dr. Pepper (Diet coke is enough to drive anyone into depression). Smile and say man life is great! I have wonderful neighbors!!! You’ll make it through just dandy – remember, you’re an optimist!

    Ps, You don’t have to like me…but you still have to be friends with Kara. 🙂

    Also, I’m batting around the idea of putting my motivational speeches on CD and selling them through a nationwide infomercial for $199.95 + shipping and handling, a small service fee, and a Arkansas state tax. What do ya think?

  7. Erin July 22, 2008 at 6:49 am #

    Right now, there’s a 46-year-old reading this thinking, “What I wouldn’t give to be 36 again.” Age is just a number. You have the maturity of a teenager, so take comfort in that. Hehehe… OK, just kidding. But seriously, you’re one of the most youthful people I know and no one would ever guess you’re 36. So, step out of the funk and come visit me and Emma. 🙂

  8. Leeuna July 22, 2008 at 11:05 am #

    This is your best time of life. Seriously. I loved my forties. It seemed like I finally got it all together when I turned forty. I’ll be 55 this fall and I still feel thirty. I like to joke about it a lot but it’s really great…I think so anyway.
    A belated Happy B-Day. 🙂

  9. Kate July 22, 2008 at 11:28 am #

    36 was kind of hard (I turned 36 in April) because you’ve passed the 1/2 mark to your 40s. I know that 40 is the new 30 – but in real life it doesn’t always feel that way. I honestly could have had another 10 years of being 30 – it’s gone by just a little too fast.

    But I always end up just putting myself in a new context and that makes me feel better. When I turned 30 I suddenly felt very young. No longer was I the oldest 20-something, I was the youngest 30-something. I was just a baby. I was like an ingenue – to the 30s. I’m sure I’ll do the same thing when I turn 40, 50… It’s all relative.

  10. Vaniqua July 22, 2008 at 3:29 pm #

    I attribute the funk to the stifling Texas heat. Or, maybe it’s another byproduct of age – hormone shift! I can’t believe that my fabulous homemade cake didn’t snap you out of the birthday funk!

  11. Jessica Bern July 23, 2008 at 7:29 pm #

    I just found your blog through Allmediocre.com. I was at the blogher’08 convention, which is where I met Meghan. I randomly clicked on your blog and of course after I read this one I had to respond b/c I just had a birthday too and let’s just say I WISH I turned 36. I’m glad you can see the upside of age and it IS an upside. I look forward to reading more.

  12. The Introvert July 23, 2008 at 11:56 pm #

    I guess I can’t really say anything because I still love my bday. Hopefully I always will because, let’s face it, having a birthday on Halloween just never gets old. I am nearly thirty and that worries me a bit, but when I think about how insecure and confused and stressed I was up until the last year or so, it kinda makes me glad that I’m getting older. Maybe I’ll have it all together eventually.

  13. Jill July 24, 2008 at 11:31 pm #

    I’m new here – just came over from All Mediocre. Had to wish you a Happy Birthday. I just celebrated my 35th last month … a slight bit traumatic, but such a nice rounded age!

    Enjoy your funk… people like me get to come tell you to cheer up, while reading through your blog. 🙂

    BTW – fantastic post about your daughter’s hearing. Very heartfelt and raw. I wish you the best.

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