Letting Guys Off the Hook

6 May

I was talking to one of my girlfriends yesterday about Mother’s Day.  She suggested that in order to avoid disappointment, we just go ahead and make the plans ourselves.  She takes the “reality-based” perspective that our guys are very busy, have great intentions, but in the end are not going to get it right, so why do we set ourselves up every year? 


The thing is, I’m an eternal optimist.  So it doesn’t matter how many times I’ve been disappointed by people, I always expect the next time is going to be different.  And I desperately want to believe that my husband, who lives with me and knows me better than anyone else on the planet, can figure out a simple expression of love and appreciation on Mother’s Day.  And I do believe it.  So I won’t be making the plans.  I may drop some hints, but it’s up to him to figure them out.  Lane, you’re on your own. 


This REQUIRES discussion, so let’s discuss.  What’dya think?? 


8 Responses to “Letting Guys Off the Hook”

  1. Erin May 6, 2008 at 1:38 pm #

    I could not agree more!!! Now, normally, I take things into my own hands. But this will be my first Mother’s Day and I fully expect Adam to come up w/ the plans. I don’t want to plan Mother’s Day! Besides, if he fails, he will hear about it until next year and trust me, he’ll remember then…

  2. The Introvert May 6, 2008 at 1:53 pm #

    My dad left it up to me to do something for my mom. I guess he realizes I’m better at decoding her “Oh, I don’t want anything this year” bullcrap. So I am taking her with me to Facelogic for mother/daughter facials on Friday. He’s paying for mine, so he can put his name on the card. He’s officially off the hook.

  3. Kath May 6, 2008 at 2:08 pm #

    Well, I had to tell my husband if there is something I definitely want. Which I did this year. Unfortunately, I went with him to purchase it and something for his mom! I would rather him go on his own at least to get it but oh well. Life is too short. It was better that we spent the time being together. That is the real gift.

  4. Barb May 6, 2008 at 8:11 pm #

    Okay, I remember not wanting to be disappointed on my first Mother’s Day and trying to make the plans. 12 years later, I don’t remember what those plans were, but I remember that it backfired on me and I ended up disappointed anyway. I never did that again! However, along the way, Paul has come up with some great Mother’s Day gifts all on his own and I love him for that!

    What I would like is for Paul to take the kids shopping so they could pick out something for me, just something simple as a token gift. I have explained to Paul that the kids don’t know what to do for Mother’s Day unless he shows them (I tell him this for birthday and Christmas too). I try not to get disappointed, but I can see the kids’ disappointment when the day is upon them and they have nothing to give me. So that is my 2 cents on that one. This year for Mother’s Day, we are all going on a cruise so I will be happy no matter what!

  5. Kelly @ Love Well May 6, 2008 at 9:59 pm #

    I’ve been married 15 years, and my husband is wonderful at remembering the special days.

    However, I think if you have something specific in mind, it would be wise to let him know. Most men are just NOT good at picking up hints.

    And I can say that from both sides of the coin, because my marriage exploded 10 years in because of resentment. Don’t let something like this eat at you too much. Resentment and bitterness are cancer to a relationship.

  6. Bourgeois May 6, 2008 at 11:39 pm #

    You know that I wasn’t “replying” to your deep thoughts because I might run for office one day. Screw that, here’s my opinion. As you know, Kate’s favorite movie is Mary Poppins. Here’s a line from the song “Sister Suffragette”, “although we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they’re rather stupid.” Men don’t get hints. I always pick out my own gifts for any special occasion. I’m banking Mother’s Day for a new super fast camera later in the summer. Kieth makes the purchase by himself & the gift gets wrapped about 50% of the time. He does pick out fabulous cards, so there is some thought that goes into the process.

  7. kathrynsmoore May 7, 2008 at 10:37 am #

    Sue, I’m so glad I de-lurked you with this one!

    Barb, I definitely think the kids need to be involved and I’ve been known to tell Lane to “take Ab to the pajamas dept. at Target and let her pick me anything she wants”…that way it’s from her but it’s not totally useless.

    The key if you’re gonna do it my way is to set your expectations from the start. If he shows effort, I’m satisfied. Now if he forgets, or if he gets me something so off the wall it feels like he’s never met me, then it’s the doghouse!

  8. Glenda May 10, 2008 at 12:31 am #

    Having had the opportunity of late to go through many thing in preparation for my eventual move to Colorado Springs, I have found that I cannot part with even one single thing that was given to me by one of my children for Mother’s Day. I still have every card/note that was ever given to me by either of my children. The dearest of all of these are the hand made ones from their early years.
    Over time you will discover that when we (as the mother) say we don’t want anything for Mother’s Day, believe it – we don’t really need more things. Just don’t forget to send a card or a note.
    Oh and don’t forget, you are not your husband’s mother.

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