Would you rather…

Sweet Pea has been accompanying me on my jogging trips lately.   First she ran alongside me.  The next time she wore her rollerblades.  Last night, she hopped on her bike.  I have to admit I love having her along.  She keeps my mind off my aching back, legs, sides, lungs, etc. and for some reason she feels safe to open up and have a conversation.  Perhaps it’s that she knows I can’t give a long-winded answer whilst running three miles.  (*Note:  “whilst” is my new favorite word; apparently I’m feeling very anglophillic these days.)

Last night I learned all kinds of juicy details about the social strata of the 5th grade.  We also discussed Thanksgiving, Pea’s birthday plans, Christmas…I’m telling you, we covered the works.  But about the third mile we started to run out of subjects, so I began a rousing game of “Would You Rather”.  Let’s see if we can glean any deep psychological assumptions about Sweet Pea based on her responses.

Homemade Vanilla (ice cream) or Dutch Chocolate?     Homemade vanilla; I can make it into chocolate with syrup.

Dutch Chocolate or Mint Chocolate Chip?     Mint Chocolate Chip

Mint Chocolate Chip or Cookies and Cream?     Mint Chocolate Chip

Homemade Vanilla or Mint Chocolate Chip?     Mint Chocolate Chip  (The obvious winner, and I never knew.)

Sugar cookie or Peanut Butter cookie?     Sugar

Sugar cookie or Chocolate Chip cookie?      Chocolate Chip

Cherry Pie or Apple Pie?     Neither, I don’t like pie.

Squash or Broccoli?     Broccoli

Broccoli or Sweet Potatoes?     Sweet Potatoes

Wii or new bike?     Wii

Ripstick or new bike?     Ripstick

Wii or Ripstick?     Wii     (Guess what we’re getting for Christmas?)

Ripstick or Guitar Hero?     Guitar Hero

Mexican Train or Chicken Foot?     Chicken Foot

Chicken Foot or Poker?     Poker

Blackjack or Poker?     Poker

Monopoly or Poker?     Poker

Pente or Poker?     Poker  (All this poker-love, and she’s a direct descendant from a bunch of Baptists…it’s sacrelig I tell you, sacrelig!!)

After a careful review of the data, it appears that my daughter is a chocolate chip-loving almost 11-year-old who prefers video games over exercise, likes her vegetables sweet,  and has a slightly precocious love of Texas Hold ‘Em, mostly because she’s good at it and loves to win.  In other words, she’s absolutely normal.

As Billy Crystal said in When Harry Met Sally, “I’m not ready.”

My rehearsal dinner was fun.  LOTS of fun.  Shoot, the whole wedding weekend was fun (except for that one horrible moment when my veil wouldn’t sit right on my head and I started crying and my mom used some kind of old nursing cap magic trick to pin it to my head…when I took it off later I found a folded kleenex and a bunch of bobby pins…I don’t know what she did!)  But I digress…we’re talking about the rehearsal dinner.

My dad is a minister, and he had been planning my wedding my whole life.  Little did I know, he’d been planning his rehearsal dinner speech as well.  He stood up and pulled out a stack of notes I had written to him throughout my teenage years. My dad was a single parent from the time I was 10, so we communicated in notes ALOT.   They were all hilarious…and all embarassing. 

The MOST embarassing was this:  He said that I went to camp the summer after 6th grade,  and apparently I had been talking to some of the girls, because he found a note that said something like this:

Dear Dad,

While I was at camp, I started shaving my legs.  I am very embarassed about this and I don’t want to talk about it, ever.  Please buy me a package of pink daisy razors and leave them on my bed. 

Love,

funny girl

He says he did exactly what I asked and never said a word.  A few weeks later we happened to be sitting together in church.  I was wearing a dress and I crossed my legs and thought I caught him looking at them.  I leaned over, cut my eyes over at him,  and said “they look pretty good, don’t they?”

Oh no he didn’t!

Oh yes he did. 

He told that story in front of Hubs and Hubs’ family and Hubs’ extended family and all our friends.  Thanks Dad.  Thanks a lot.

Why do I tell you this story? 

Because I think it may be time to buy the daisy razors.  God help me.

O Christmas Tree – Part Two

We held the Funny Girl Family Caucus last night and came to some important conclusions.

 First, Sweet Pea feels that the tree, the house, and the outside lights are all equally important.  In her opinion, we cannot leave anything out.  (Thanks, Pea.  Mommy appreciates your flexibility!)

Second, I really do want a tree, but I don’t have time for two straight days of setting up the tree and the house.  Thankfully, the outside decor is Hubs’ domain. 

So here’s the decision as it stands today.  Please note, this may change at any moment because I’m the mom and I’m in charge.  (Sticks out tongue.)  We will decorate the house this Saturday – this includes stockings, Christmas Village (SOME not all), Christmas books and knick-knacks, nativities, etc.  Garland for the stairwell is currently under deliberation.  Hubs will do the outside while I do the inside.  Sweet Pea will probably go between the two of us pulling stuff out but not actually helping at all.   Because this is all VERY important, but not important enough to put down the legos and help!!

Then, when we return from Houston next Saturday, we will buy the tree.  That way it can “set” until Sunday afternoon, when we will decorate it.  Hubs will do the lights, I’ll do the ornaments.  Sweet Pea will likely pull a bunch of stuff out and then get bored before she hangs a single ornament.  Good times.  We will watch Christmas Vacation whilst we decorate; that’s our tradition.  NOTHING says Christmas like Clark Griswold.  Can I refill your egg nog for you?  Get you something to eat?  Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?  See what I mean?  That’s the Christmas spirit.

So that’s the plan.  I’ll be blogging it, so there will be pics, not to worry. 

Merry Merry!!!

 

O Christmas Tree

I’ve got some big decisions to make about the holidays this year.  Here’s the deal.  We are leaving on Monday to spend Thanksgiving week in Houston.  We’ll return the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Then I leave Wednesday the 2nd for NYC.  (AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!)  I return Monday the 7th.  We are at home until Dec. 23, when we will leave for Houston again.  We won’t return to SATX until Jan. 3, and I start rehearsals for my next show on January 4.  Confused??

So I’m trying to decide whether or not to put up a tree this year.  We often travel over Christmas and have made the decision before NOT to put up a Christmas tree.  This year it seems especially reasonable to consider skipping it.  I’ll have to put it up before Thanksgiving (which is against my general principles, and I’m not even sure you can buy one this early) and by the time we return from Christmas it will be dead and my den will be covered in needles and I’ll still have to take down all the ornaments which will drop more needles…you see my point.

On the other hand, I LOVE decorating the tree.  I love the smell of the house with the fresh tree giving off its piney goodness.  I love the twinkling lights.  I love reminiscing as I carefully and lovingly hang each and every ornament in just the right spot.  There is joy in it, and I need joy.  J-O-Y, down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart!!  (Did anyone else grow up singing that song??)

So there is is.   Hubs and I are going to caucus (love you Tim Gunn!) with Sweet Pea tonight and come to a decision.  I told him if any of the three of us feel strongly about it then I will do it.  We shall see…

 

Delighted

My bloggy-friend Anymommy just saved the day.  I have been back and forth on what to write, so I decided to surf around for a little inspiration.  Should’ve known I could count on Any.  I highly recommend you go there, but don’t do it until you’ve read this, because I promise once you begin reading her phenomenal writing you’ll hardly come up for air, much less return to read my paltry entry.  Yesterday she asked a question that leads me right where I need to be.  “What do you do to show your children you are delighted in them?”

I am going to take this one step further.  Things have been a mite bit heavy at Funny Girl headquarters, so if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to tell you all the ways Sweet Pea delights me.  In spite of her challenges, she is an absolutely amazing kid.  Here’s are a few of the reasons why:

She’s funny.  REALLY funny.  I like to think she inherited that from me. 

Girlfriend can groove.  I’m serious.  She like to shaky-shaky.   (Must’ve inherited that from Hubs.)

She loves to sing.  I love to listen to her sing.  She is usually a smidge off-pitch due to her hearing loss, but it is one of the most beautiful sounds I know.

Speaking of her hearing loss, she is an almost perfect lip-reader.  Unfortunately she forgets that I am not nearly as good at it as she is, so she gets frustrated when she’s trying to talk to me in church and I don’t understand her.  Give it a try.  You’ll be impressed.

Also, she is an amazing speller.  In general, people with hearing loss have a very difficult time with reading/spelling due to its relationship with sound.  She never studies for her spelling tests and she almost always get a 100.  Spelling is important to me.  I think things should ALWAYS be spelled correctly.  So this delights my nerdy side.

Despite her social difficulties, she is unbelievably generous.  She literally tried to give a friend the shirt off her back when her friend didn’t have the right clothes to wear on the field trip to the Symphony.   Today at lunch she insisted that we buy a cookie and divide it into four parts for she and her three friends.  Love it.

 

Now, how do I delight IN her?  That’s somewhat trickier, isn’t it?  I suspect most parents of 10 year olds would agree that finding ways to encourage our children while still being “cool” is a daily challenge.  And I certainly cross the line into uncool on plenty of occasions when I’m just trying to do something nice for her. 

Case in point:  She is having a growth spurt and has outgrown her belts.  I offered to go into my closet and let her borrow one of mine.  Now let me be clear; these are cool belts.  We’re not talking dorkville.  Anyway she looked at me, cocked her head, and said “I am NOT going to wear my mother’s belt.”  I knew right then that she does not see trendy, fashionable Funny Girl.  She sees a mother.  An old woman who is neither trendy nor fashionable.  (Note:  this didn’t stop her from borrowing my silver ballet flats for church today.  Just saying.)

ANYHOO…things I do to delight in Sweet Pea:

Every morning I crawl into her bed and we snooze together.  She likes to wake up slowly (let’s face it, so do I) and I always hope those minutes of snuggling will fill her tank for the day ahead.

Each afternoon I meet her at the corner and carry her backpack home.  It is my way of literally shouldering her load.

Each evening I sit in her bed and read aloud to her.  She is an avid reader, and can read much faster alone, but she begs me to do it and I indulge her, sometimes for up to an hour. 

I try to give her little looks:  a smile, a wink, a thumbs up, the OK sign…she doesn’t want to hear me talk, but she loves knowing I approve. 

My favorite right now is the kiss on her head.  I don’t have to say anything.  Just a pause, a kiss, maybe a squeeze on her shoulder. 

 

May we all find ways to delight in each other this week.

I got nothing

Nada.

Zilch.

Zero.

Cero.

…….

I’ve been pouring it out lately, so I’m finding it harder and harder to come up with blog topics.  Would anyone like to help me out?  Ask me a question.  Give me something to talk about.  Please!! 

 

What I’ve been reading lately

I’m not gonna lie.  I am writing this one a day ahead so I can hit publish in the morning before I head out of town for a night.

So if it feels like I’m phoning it in, well, I am.  You got me.

Here’s my summer reading list.  I’m too tired to link it up to Amazon, so you’ll have to copy/paste.  Sorry.  I said I was phoning it in.

The Guernsay Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society – best book I read all summer.  It is the post WWII tale of a writer who discovers the incredible story of the residents of the British island of Guernsay during the occupation.  Get it.  Read it.  Now.

The End of the Affair – another post WWII story, this one of the affair between a man and woman and the effect it has on both of them spiritually.  It was somewhat tedious, but I liked it.

The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle – translated into English from Japanese; a 1980’s-era story of a man who is unemployed and the strange characters he encounters day to day.  This book was too…ethereal? for me.  It is described as “dream-like” but that translated into disconnected and unrealistic to me.  There was value in some of the lessons he learns, but I couldn’t make it to the end.

Gap Creek – pioneer-era story of a girl’s journey to womanhood through various trials during the early years of her marriage. Loved it.

That’s it for my summer.  The list seems short, doesn’t it?  Ah well, I’ve had a few other things on my plate.  I am currently reading The Group.  This book was given a cameo on Mad Men recently, so I knew I had to run right out and get it.  It was written in 1963 about a group of Vassar grads making their way in the world during the Great Depression.  I’m about halfway through and I’m really enjoying it.  It’s surprisingly provacative when one considers the publishing date.  I’ll be sure to give a full report when I’m finished.

Sweet Pea and I are making our way through the Nancy Drew series.  I think we’ve read 6 or 7 so far.  I’m going to write an entire blog about the world according to Nancy Drew but in the meantime suffice it to say things have changed since those innocent days of sleuthing in River Heights.

Happy Reading!!

Please understand that she is not herself

One of God’s greatest gifts to me in this journey is the friends He has given me who understand my trials with Sweet Pea.  I have three close friends who have children with issues similar to Sweet Pea’s.  So similar, in fact, we often comment that these girls could all be sisters.

Of these three phenomenal ladies, one is a recent reconnection.   We haven’t seen each other since high school, but she found me on facebook, started reading my blog, and quickly contacted me about the incredible resemblances in our daughters.   We have become cheerleaders for each other, pushing ourselves through the tedious afternoons and difficult nights.  Sometimes we offer wisdom, and other times we just recommend the perfect cocktail, but at all times she gives me strength, and I hope I do the same for her.

One of the things she and I talk about the most is the judgment we perceive from those around us.  The looks at school, the store, the gym, the neighborhood.  Mental illness is an “invisible disability”.  You would never look at a picture of our beautiful children and suspect there was a problem.  But the sad truth is these children are sick.  Their brains don’t work like everyone else’s; the chemicals are imbalanced, the neurons misfire and all hell breaks loose. 

Another of these amazing ladies recently gave me a selection to read from a Miss Manners book she had borrowed from the library entitled Miss Manners’ Basic Training:  The Right Thing To Say.  (Don’t be scared – this isn’t one of those “your kid needs manners” stories.)  The section was from the chapter entitled Covering for Others.   The author’s intent is to address issues with an elderly person who has dementia, Alzheimer’s, etc., but my friend suggested it applied to our children as well.  I am going to quote directly because I think it’s the most effective (and also I’m too tired to paraphrase):

Anyone close to a person with such a problem is going to spend a lot of time apologizing…The key phrases are “She doesn’t really mean it,” “Please understand that she is not herself,”…”It’s not that you did anything – it’s just the way she is now.” 

The apologies made to oneself (the caretaker)  – “I know she doesn’t mean it”…”It’s not really her speaking” – are the hardest to accept.

Even as the mother of a child with an invisible disability it can be hard for me to remember that this isn’t her fault.  She isn’t doing it on purpose.  If she could be “normal”, she would.  I know she would rather be calm and happy than fractured and raging.  It’s easy to blame her though.  It’s so easy to say “if she would just…” and then fill in the blank with all the million simple things she could do to change her situation.  But that’s the point, isn’t it?  She can’t change it because her brain doesn’t always function like it should.   It’s more than just ADHD. 

My child has mental illness.

Please understand that she is not herself.

I’ll Do It Later

Sweet Pea hates homework.  Despises it.  Loathes it.  I encourage her, cheer her, reward her, help her, but she still hates it.  I tell her not to procrastinate.  Let’s get it done!  I say.  Then we can do other things that are fun!!

Dear Pot, meet Kettle, aka Funny Girl. 

I have homework for our therapy tomorrow and I haven’t even started it.  I’ve thought about it, but I haven’t done it.  Hubs called today to confirm the assignment.  He’s done.  I’m not.  Because I’m a procrastinator.  The worst kind of procrastinator.  I’d be happy to do it in the waiting room tomorrow morning. 

BUT, since writing is a confession of sin, I figured I would confess it and then own it.  So, I admit it.  I put things off.  And now I’m going to do my homework, right here in front of God and everyone. 

The assignment:  Write your house rules, noting which ones are negotiable and which are non-negotiable.  Then write positive and negative consequences that you currently use and whether or not they are effective. 

Here goes.

Any minute now I’m going to start typing.

I’m getting there…

UUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!

Okay.  The House Rules:

1.  Safety First.  Stay in the house unless you have permission to go out.  No hitting, kicking, biting, etc.  No throwing items which can break things.  You may not hurt yourself or others.  NON-NEGOTIABLE.

2.  Take Medicine when it is given.  NON-NEGOTIABLE.

3.  Wear Hearing Aids to school.  NON-NEGOTIABLE.

4.  Do your homework each afternoon.  I am here to help you.  If we get it done then you can play.  If you don’t get it done, you do not get screen privileges or friend time.  Negotiable.

5.  Speak with Respect to mom, dad, and friends.   Speak calmly and we will listen.  If you need to scream, go in your room and close the door.  (Unfortunately negotiable, as there are plenty of times where we are all yelling at each other.)  If you need help with a friend I will gladly assist. 

6.  Respect other people’s property.  If something is not yours, please do not touch it.  This includes mom’s purse, dad’s wallet, mom’s phone, etc.  If you need something that is not yours, please ask.  Negotiable.

7. Please Obey our instructions.   We don’t ask much, so when we ask you to do something, we need you to do it.  We all have responsibilities that we don’t like, but we have to do them.  If you feel that an instruction is unfair or if there is a reason why you can’t do it right then, calmly ask if we can discuss it.  If you ask calmly, we will say yes.  We want to discuss, not argue.  If you argue we will ask you to go to your room until you are ready to discuss instead of argue.  Negotiable.

Positive Reinforcers: 

Earning something specific and tangible works best.  (ex:  iTunes gift card, My Meeba, webkinz, etc.)

Earning a privilege can work but can also backfire (ex:  sleepover with friend but then sleepover goes bad)

Negative Reinforcers (Consequences): 

 No screens (I think this is harder on us to enforce than it is on her to withstand)

No outside playtime (Hard b/c lately no one is available to play anyway)

“Grounded” – never works; too broad

Spanking – never works; only increases the behavior

Safe hold – necessary but doesn’t work

 

I may come back to this later tonight for some editing.  We’ll let it set for a bit and see how I feel about it.  Anyway, it’s DONE.   (Editor’s note:  I came back and added #6 after an oh-so-fun struggle over my iphone.  Geez.)

Now I can go do something fun!!

Start Spreading the News

A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do, and sometimes, a girl’s gotta go shopping.

Especially if said girl will be in Manhattan in 22 DAYS (!!!) and has an obsession with being fashionable every moment that her feet are on the ground in that glorious city. 

She might need some new jeans…

And a new top…

(Don’t worry Mom, I’ll be wearing a nice warm coat over it!)

She’ll probably have to have some slouch boots for daytime…

And high-heeled boots for night…

And untold other accoutrements that every chic girl needs to see the City in style.

A friend of mine wrote today that writing is a confession of sin.  Well, today I must confess that I tend to overpack, especially for New York.  But not this year.  This year I’m turning over a new leaf.  ONE COAT.  That’s it.  It’s charcoal grey, so everything I’m bringing has to go with gray.  No browns.  No brown boots, no brown skullcaps, nada.  Solamente shades of greys, blacks, purples, blues, greens, fuschias, etc.  It doesn’t seem limiting on paper (er..screen) but I assure you it is.  This is truly monumental for me, and I’m bound and determined to make it happen.  Period.  That’s it.

Which is why I’m not showing you the adorable yellow sweater I picked up today, or my cool lace-up brown boots, or my orange STOPTHEMADNESS!!!  No brown.

Just grey.

Funny, my mood is grey too.  But not for long…

Can you hear it?  Ba-ba-badadadadah! Start spreading the news!!!

***Important disclaimer for my Hubs, who I’m quite sure is hyperventilating by this point.  All of the above items were purchased ON SALE at rock bottom prices.  There’s no need for panic.  Put the phone down.  No really, put it down.  You know you love me…don’t even try to deny it.