The School Rules

I’m the kind of dork that actually reads every single thing they send home from school.  So far it has served me well.  But this week’s experience definitely takes the cake.  Of course the school sent home a massive packet of information on the first day: the cafeteria menu, the official phone list, the attendance expectations, lots of forms to fill out, and the very official Elementary Student-Parent Handbook.

Sweet Pea attends 4th grade in a very large Texas school district in the San Antonio area.  Our school district has been kind enough to compile a giant document to let us know all of the policies and procedures which pertain to the Elementary set.  So, weighty handbook in hand (he he), I thought I’d update you on a couple of offenses that not acceptable in our school district. 

Some are obvious:  graffiti, loitering, nuisance items (i.e. iPods), trespassing.  No surprises here. 

But let’s step it up a notch.  For instance, arson.  Just so you know, your child will be punished if he/she sets the school on fire.  (Hold on, so you’re saying I should take the lighter out of her backpack??)  And murder.  FYI, killing others is not acceptable behavior, and will result in punishment.  And oh, by the way, Capital Murder?  Also a no-no.  Don’t let it happen.

Please don’t think I’m so naive that I don’t know this stuff happens.  But at the Elementary level??  The children are supposed to sign their name saying that they’ve read and discussed these rules with their parents.  I’m not going there.  Not yet.  Of course we’ve talked about the rules:  no lying, no cheating, no stealing…oh wait, NOT ONE of those is listed.  Good grief.

It’s a great time to be raising kids in America, isn’t it?

Eat, Pray, Love

Have you read this book?  I borrowed it from my mother-in-law on one of my trips to Houston this summer.  She didn’t like it, but I wanted to see for myself. 

I understand why she didn’t like it, but I rather enjoyed it.  In this travel memoir, the author describes Italian food in such detail you feel like you gotta get a slice or you’ll die!  Her descriptions of prayer and meditation are inspirational.  And, lucky girl, it all ties up neatly when she falls in love. 

There were lots of nuggets to think about, but one I liked in particular and thought I’d throw to y’all for some mid-week discussion.  She learns from a friend in Rome that each city has a word; one word that completely describes the place and the people.  In Rome, he proposes, it’s SEX.  The Vatican is POWER.  She goes on to choose ACHIEVE for NYC and SUCCEED for Los Angeles.  And then she tries to choose a word for herself.  One word that describes her life.

And so begins our discussion.  What is the one word that describes your whole life right now?  Certainly, there are many to choose from in my own life…FRUSTRATION, IMPATIENCE, ENDEAVOR…but my one word?

JOURNEY.

Now it’s your turn.  What is the word that describes you?  Can’t wait!!

A Very “Special” Night Before School Starts…

I have referred to my daughter’s “special needs” here and there in the course of this blog journey, but I intentionally haven’t published a list of her diagnoses.  For some reason I feel that the depth of her issues should be kept private.  And also, some of her issues are very hard to describe and even harder to understand, which makes it almost impossible to write about.  BUT…

Last night we had a typical example of her issues.  I had been away from the house for a couple of hours, and came home in a good mood, excited to help her get ready for the first day.  I knew I had my work cut out for me…she has been extremely defiant lately, and the last thing I wanted was a big meltdown on the night before school starts.  I came up with the BRILLIANT idea of a scavenger hunt to get her through the evening ritual.  Fun, right?  I had little clues hidden all over the house with riddles that she had to solve to get to the next one.  I spread out the tasks (put on PJs, brush teeth, etc.) amongst the clues so she would be having fun while getting the goals accomplished.  One of the clues even suggested that she choose any dessert she wanted!!  I mean, I was ready to win the Mother of the Year award for this one!

As usual, though, she had other ideas.  For whatever reason, and I have no earthly idea why, this whole thing seemed a TERRIBLE idea to her.  Nevermind the fact that EVERY OTHER TIME we’ve done a scavenger hunt she’s loved it.  Nevermind the fact that instead of a big list of tasks, she gets to play a game.  Nevermind that she gets to CHOOSE HER OWN DESSERT for Pete’s sake.  No, none of that was satisfactory last night.  Instead, she crawls down into the space between the wall and her bed and claims I was a horrible mother because I didn’t make the clues hard enough.  Or that was her excuse.  I used all my psychobabble to try to get her to admit what was really bothering her (“Honey, are you sure you’re not just worried about starting school tomorrow?  Do you want to talk about it?”  No and no.)  She finally told me she’d rather have a list.  So I made the stinkin’ list and handed it to her, all the while trying to remain calmer than calm (a significant challenge for me.)  What it really boiled down to was she didn’t want to do what I wanted her to do, no matter how fun.  Good grief.  And what a hard way to live life. 

We muddled through and two hours later she finally fell asleep.  (Only an hour past my original goal, so not too bad.)  This morning wasn’t perfect, but it wasn’t awful.  I gave us PLENTY of time, and I made cinnamon rolls, so there were lots of gooey incentives to get out of bed.  We asked her if she wanted both of us to accompany her to school, or if she just wanted Dad to drop her off, and she actually wanted us both to come.  I was surprised.  We took her in, past all the parents taking pictures, past the crying kindergarteners and their crying mommies and I said a little “Praise Ye the Lord” for another year of freedom.  Sacrelig?  Maybe.  But I need the respite. 

I came straight home and went back to bed.  I woke up feeling rested and peaceful.  I’ve been on facebook and gmail and the blogs…happy as a clam.  (I always say that, but are clams really happy?  I digress.)  My neighbor just brought me a Sonic Diet Coke as a first day of school gift.  I love that.  I’ve got my calendar and goals and menus and I’m ready for another year.  September is as good as January when it comes to resolutions, and mine is “Dinner”.  That’s it.  I’m going to fix dinner, and we’re going to sit down together at least three nights a week and eat and chat for a few minutes.  Seems simple, but beyond challenging to this non-chef.  However I’m undaunted and resolved.  So there.

Here’s to 4th grade, with all it’s spelling words and times tables and cursive practice and long division and book reports and fractions.  Here’s to our family, and the strides we’ll make this year.  And here’s to Sweet Pea, a kid who knows what she wants, and isn’t going to let ANYTHING get in her way.  You go, girl.

15 Years Ago…

It’s a big day.  I mean a really big day.  It’s my wedding anniversary…15 years.  I can hardly believe it.  First of all, I’m not possibly old enough to have been married for 15 years.  And second, 15 years is a lllooonnnggg time, and I haven’t been married a long time. 

August 21, 1993.  I was barely 21 years old, marrying a man 6 years my senior.  Oh the joy!  I was NOT a bridezilla; I had a BLAST!  We did the rehearsal dinner thing the night before, and actually got a really good night’s sleep.  Our friends held a wedding party brunch for us on the morning of the wedding, so we saw each other…I wasn’t worried about superstition (although I wouldn’t have let him see me in the dress!).  After that it was off to the salon for hair, and then to church to start getting ready…the wedding was at 7pm.  I don’t remember dinner; probably I was too keyed up to eat anything anyway. 

When we got to the church I saw the flowers for the first time and I remember being very disappointed because they used daisies, and I thought that wasn’t formal enough.  But I blew it off, because what could I do?  Now I am so grateful for the daisies…I think they looked beautiful, and very me.  I had one little freak-out session when we put the veil on because the comb pulled a “pickle” and ruined my ‘do.  Mom came to the rescue with some old nursing cap trick and saved the day.  Later, when I removed the veil, there was a folded kleenex and lots of bobby pins that had been working their magic.  My bridesmaids were wearing absolutely gorgeous hot pink silk chanteung dresses with sleeves that mimicked my dress.  (Although now they look like they’re in a Star Trek wedding…good grief.)  I thought they were fabulous!

I had imagined the moment when the doors would open and I would enter the church a million times.  And the real thing was just as fantastic as the dream, except I was so excited that I had an AWFUL smile on my face.  I looked like I was on crack!  Poor Hubs!  The ceremony was beautiful; my dad is a minister and he performed the most beautiful wedding for us.  My friends were gorgeous, the music was perfect, it was all exactly as I had imagined it.

Since my dad was a minister at our church, we were sort of obligated to invite everyone and their dog to the wedding, which was a bit of a pain but certainly worth it when we opened all those gifts!  I didn’t know half the people that were there and Hubs knew even less.  At the reception we made a deal that we were going to hold hands and not let go for any reason so that we wouldn’t get separated and spend the evening apart.  It worked.  Also, I didn’t want to stay at the rehearsal forever…after all, this was my wedding night, and it was business time!  I laugh now when I see that we were leaving by 9:30…wonder how many people caught on?

We honeymooned at Disney World (my favorite place on earth!) and embarked on married life with parades and pixie dust.  Little did we know we’d need a whole lot more than a little bit of magic to get us through the reality that is marriage.  I guess if someone had tried to tell me how hard it was going to be I wouldn’t have listened anyway, but someone should’ve told me how hard it was going to be!!  I actually believed the fairy tale…he was my prince and we were going to live happily ever after.  I just didn’t account for all the WORK that it would take to live that dream.

Marriage is wonderful.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  But let’s be honest…it’s no picnic.  Somehow you’ve got to figure out how to mesh two lives, two different viewpoints, two ways of doing things, and in our case, two completely different personalities into ONE successful partnership.  And then you have to rework it every time something changes, and since we’re human, that’s pretty often!  Just about the time we think we’ve got it figured out, there’s a new challenge to face.  And we’ve faced some doozies.  But here’s the beautiful thing:  I love my husband so much more now than I did before we walked through all this crap together.  I love that he is so stable that all my screw-ups can’t rock his boat.  I love that he is willing to go out on a limb with stuff that he never had to face before we had Sweet Pea.  I love that there’s never been a day when I didn’t know for a fact he was going to be there for us.  And I love the grey at his temples.  Age is HOT!  (but I digress…)

I could be so much better at the day-to-day business of marriage.  I don’t show him my gratitude enough, I don’t show him my sweet side enough, heck, I don’t wash the dishes enough.  But the big picture gives me hope.  We are in it for the long haul…better or worse (Sweet Pea’s good days and bad), richer or poorer (gas prices low or high), sickness and health (pacemaker changes and periods of stability), forsaking all others (moving to San Antonio!), until death do us part (may God give us many, many more years of togetherness before we face that one). 

Here’s to 15 more years, and even more after that!  I love you Hubs!!

English 101 – Summer Recap

I started the summer with the following blog from 6/11/08:

 ”Okay folks, it’s that time of year…time for Summer Reading.  Yay!!

Here are the books on my list to start the summer:  (btw, these are linked to Amazon for your clicking pleasure)

The Shack (I’m almost through…it’s really good.)

Water for Elephants

Running with Scissors

The Film Club:  A Memoir

To Kill a Mockingbird

The New Yorkers

Friday Night Knitting Club

Now in my opinion, summer reading should be light and fun.  Lots of romance, a little intrigue, plenty of laughs.  Nothing too heavy.  A couple of my titles go against this policy, but what can I say, I’m making an exception. ”

So I’m back, ready to admit to what I actually read, what I didn’t finish, and what I never started.  Let’s start with What I Liked:

     I liked The Shack.  I didn’t love it, but I liked it.  It got me thinking, and that’s always good. 

     I liked Friday Night Knitting Club…Mostly because it was set in Manhattan, but for other reasons as well.  I didn’t love the main character as much as I should have, but just reading about knitting seemed to have a calming effect on me.

Now for the Not So Much category:

     Running with Scissors just didn’t do it for me.  I read a couple of chapters and gave up.  I didn’t care about the main character, and I really didn’t care about his crazy mother and her doctor.  I guess I’m too much of a “color inside the lines” person…their bizarre behavior didn’t resonate with me at all.

     I read more than half of Water for Elephants but then gave it up as well.  Honestly the descriptions of the animals’ treatment was more than I could bear. 

     The New Yorkers was dumb fluff, IMHO.  Didn’t keep my attention at all.  Bummer.

Finally, the I Didn’t Get to It category: 

     To Kill a Mockingbird – a re-read is still on my to do list.

     The Film Club – the library has this one on order for me, so I’m waiting it out.

Now for the current reading list:

Eat, Pray, Love - So far, so good

Bringing Up Geeks – a non-fiction book about raising kids that I will discuss in great detail later…lots of good ideas.

What You Should Know About Politics…But Don’t - an unbiased, issues-based primer about American Politics, with just the right amount of detail for an election year.  Maybe it’ll help me figure out who the heck I’m going to vote for!!

 So, fill me in.  Did you read anything good?  What did you hate?  What’s on your bedside table as we kick off the school year?  GO!!

Home

Not that I think anyone will actually read this, because I’ve been gone so long I’m sure I’ve moved completely off of everyone’s reading lists.  Nevertheless, I’m back.  Home.  Dorothy’s right; there’s no place like it.  And that represents a HUGE step for me.

A year ago I was packing up my life in Houston and preparing to move west.  (The Laura Ingalls in me always wanted to say that!)  Anyhoo…August of ‘07 was nuts.  We arrived in San Antonyo (that’s how they say it here) just in time for the first day of school, kissed Sweet Pea goodbye, and then welcomed the moving truck.  It was INSANE!  And did I mention that Hubs was out of town??  Insane. 

Other than college, neither Hubs nor I have ever lived outside of Houston.  Pitiful, right?  So this was a big ol’ life-changing event, even for a couple of middle-aged adults.  (I guess there’s no point in pretending that we’re NOT middle-aged, even though I’m only 29 and it’s gonna stay that way!)  It was one of the hardest decisions we’ve ever had to make as a couple, especially considering Sweet Pea and her myriad of challenges.  Oh the transition!  We stayed busy with all of the “house” stuff for the first couple of months, but that eventually changed to him leaving for work, Sweet Pea leaving for school, and me leaving for…oh wait, did I mention I also decided to be a stay-at-home mom for the first time?  It was good times.  Solitude CAN be good, and I think in my case it was, but I certainly tired of it.   I was lonely, I missed my friends, and I wanted to go home. 

It was about this time that we started making plans for summer.  I was offered a job in Houston directing a children’s theatre camp for a couple of weeks, and another job acting for a week.  Three weeks in Houston?  Sounded perfect to a girl who did nothing but think about my life there, and long for my friends there, and wish that I was just THERE. 

But at some point in the spring (maybe about the time I started blogging??) I started to feel reconnected to the world.  To my world.  I made some friends here, I actually left the house for social activities (and I don’t mean talking to the checker at Target!), and wonder of wonders, I started to enjoy my life here.  Everyone said it would happen, but I didn’t really believe it. 

And then summer arrived.  At just the moment I decided I love San Antonio and my friends and my life here.  And now I’ve committed to three weeks in Houston.  Served me right, I guess.  It certainly felt like some sort of subtle punishment for my lack of faith.  Sweet Pea and I hit the road three different times to spend a week at a time in H-town.  In my desperation to be in Houston I had completely underestimated the drag on my psyche that would be caused by all that driving, and living out of a suitcase, and being away from Hubs.  It stunk.  Stunk bad, stunk real bad.

And yet it solidified one thing:  My home is NOT in Houston anymore.  Home is San Antonio.  Sounds so weird for me to say that and actually mean it, but it’s true.  I have come to love it here.  I adore our neighbors, I look forward to going to church every Sunday, and frankly I just love being with my little family.  We’re not perfect…far from it…but we’re US and we’re together, and I love that. 

A year later and so much has changed.  We were so afraid of change, and it was HARD, and there were tears, and moments of regret, but it was right.  We did the right thing. 

I’m home.