I know it’s not Wednesday, but…

 

this makes me laugh and I thought it’d be a great kick-off to the weekend.  The second verse is my personal fav.  Happy Friday!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Daddy’s Girl

I love my dad. 

 

And he’s HERE!!!  Yippee!!!!

 

My dad lives in Phoenix, so we don’t see each other nearly as much as we would like to.  HOWEVER, for the next 48 hours he’s MINE…ALL MINE!!!!!

 

Can you tell I’m excited??

 

Today started with a two hour cup of coffee, to be followed by lunch and a trip to Costco (our favorite place to walk and talk.)  Then we’ll come home and cook up a storm for dinner.  Yu-hum!!

 

Tomorrow will be more of the same.  And maybe, just maybe, I’ll share him with his granddaughter, who might appreciate some alone time with him as well. 

 

My dad is the bomb-diggity.  A stud.  A prince.  THE BEST. 

 

And sorry, he’s taken. 

 

Are you smarter than a 3rd grader??

In place of English 101, today we will look at another subject:  geography.

 

This year I’ve taken a refresher course in my times tables, long division, the solar system, a slew of spelling, book reports galore, and now, civics.  In other words, we’re almost through with 3rd grade!

 

Sweet Pea has been studying the states for the last two weeks.  This study will culminate in a big ol’ test right here at the end of the year.  She will have to write all 50 states on a map.  Sound easy? 

 

Then here’s today’s challenge:  http://www.addictinggames.com/50states.html.  This is a GREAT game to test your knowledge of the 50 states.  You have to click and drag the state to its correct location.  The score is based on the number you get correct, plus the average number of miles you are from the right spot. 

 

I’ve been studying, so maybe I have a leg up on the competition.  My score was:

42 out of 51 perfect

Score 82.35

Time 319 seconds.

 

Don’t be a wimp…take the test, then tell me how you did!!

The Great American Popcorn Machine

Hubs and I were talking to Sweet Pea over dinner the other night.  We were regaling her with tales of life in the olden days…you know, when we were kids.  For some reason, the conversation turned to family movie night. 

 

Remember?

 

You had to have an early dinner and get your bath so that you could be in front of the TV at 7:00 for whatever the show was:  Wonderful World of Disney, The Muppet Show, or better yet, a Special.  You remember Specials, right?  The Dolly Parton Christmas Special, The John Denver Special (I have a great story about that one…I’ll have to tell it one day), The Liza Minelli Special (which spurred a line that is still spoken in my family:  Did you see…how he mastered…those suspendahs??  Guess you had to be there.)

 

The best part of the night was before the show even started.  After our baths,  we would gather in the kitchen to make the popcorn.  As a family.  Because it was a whole big event.  We had a totally awesome popcorn popper, and I remember gathering around with my brothers and watching it pop, smelling the buttery goodness…ooh, that was good.  This was our totally awesome popcorn popper:

 

You can’t argue with me.  That is a totally awesome popcorn popper.  Right???

 

We each got a little bowl with popcorn and then we’d sit down for an hour of good old-fashioned television entertainment.

 

Of course Sweet Pea didn’t believe that we couldn’t record the show, or pause the television, or put the popcorn in the microwave.  Her response, to be exact, was “I don’t think I would’ve liked to live back in the old days.” 

 

You know you’re old when your kid refers to the time of your childhood as “the old days”. 

 

Well, those days may have been old, but we sure did pop some darn good popcorn.  Mm-mm!!

The American Flag and Apple Pie

Happy Memorial Day, Bloggers!!

 

We have spent the majority of our day in pursuit of that American Dream…the clean house.  A lovely way to spend the holiday, I might add.  (NOT!)  But we also found time to increase our skin cancer risk at the neighborhood pool.  Of course we had hot dogs for lunch…because what is Memorial Day without hot dogs?  And we’ll be grilling up some bird for dinner.  Plus I got some Fredericksburg Peaches on Saturday which I will turn into a delightful cobbler later this evening.  Yummy McYummerpants!

 

Anyway, back to the subject of hot dogs, I have a question for y’all.  If regular hot dogs are made of, well, you know, hot dog stuff, are turkey dogs made of turkey stuff?  Or is it real white turkey meat that they have smushed together to make a hot dog?  I claim the latter, but Hubs believes that turkey dogs are really no better than regular dogs because it’s all ”stuff” and yucky.  So which is it, bloggy friends??

 

For your Memorial Day pleasure, here is Sweet Pea at the pool.  Good times!!

 

 

For Women Only

No really, I mean it.  This one’s just for the ladies.  Unless you want TMI.  Which maybe you do.  And in that case, read on bro!

 

It’s that time of the month.  I’ve got, you know, my womanly.  Aunt Flo has come for a visit.  I’m menestrating.  (That’s one of my favorite pronunciations from nursing school.  Still gets me.) 

 

And I’m in PAINNNNNNN!!!!!!!  Boy howdy, am I in pain.  Yowzers.  An overdose of motrin isn’t helping, so today I’ve decided to wear the heat pad on my gut.  And I have to admit, it’s helping a little bit.  Just enough so I don’t bite anyone’s head off in a fit of hormonal, pain-induced fury. 

 

I figured out that I’m actually on the downhill side of this thing.  That is, I should have less periods left to go than I’ve already endured.  So I’ve got that going for me.  Which is nice.

 

Anyway, in honor of this wonderful time of the month in which I am punished for Eve’s sin and it won’t even do me any good since I’m not ever going to be pregnant (I digress…), here is a little uterine-inspired laughter for ya.  You may have read this before, but it’s worth a rerun for sure.  WARNING:  Language may be unsuitable for more sensitive readers.

 

This is a letter written to one of the top executives at Proctor and Gamble. Means a bit more to the gals than the guys.

 

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

 

I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I’d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from “the curse”? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my ‘time of the month’ is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.” Isn’t the human body amazing? As Branch Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo”. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants… which brings me to the reason for my letter.

 

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: “Have a Happy Period”.

 

“Are you f…..g kidding me?” What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness – is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything “happy” about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreen’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

 

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually pertinent, like “Put Down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong”, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that’s a promise I will keep… Always.

 

Best,

Wendy Aarons 

 

 Now I don’t know this Wendy person, but if I did you can bet I’d throw my arms around her neck and give her a big old hug.  ‘Cause she sure can put the words to it, can’t she??  Thanks girlfriend, whoever you are. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Truth About Texas

My hubs and I visited New York City recently and we were tickled by the responses we got when we told people were from Texas.  Our favorite was “You don’t talk funny”.  My gracious husband replied “Well, we do have cities there you know.” 

 

See, this guy, like so many others, assumed that because we live in Texas we must live on a cattle ranch and drive a truck and wear boots and chew straw.  And talk funny. 

 

We don’t. 

 

But today I had one of those quintessential Texas experiences that I had to share.  I went to brunch at a fine Texas lady’s house.  Now this house was in the country…I guess you could call it a ranch.  And who was there to greet us as we entered the property but this guy and a few of his friends.

 

So I guess some of the rumors are true. 

 

Think I’ll go chew some straw.

 

Have a good weekend, y’all!!

English 101 – Mags

This should have been posted yesterday, but apparently I forgot to hit PUBLISH.  Duh.

 

Today we will take a little stroll over to another area of the bookstore that I love to linger in…the periodicals!

 

I am a confessed magazine addict.  It’s so bad that for Lent this year I gave up purchasing any magazines.  The only ones I allowed myself to read were the ones that came to my house via subscription.  This was a HUGE sacrifice for me.  Stupid, I know, but man did I think about Jesus every time I was at the grocery store and wanted to pick up a People or US Weekly or Lucky or InStyle or Texas Monthly or Living…you see what I mean?  Addicted.

 

Actually, the Lent thing had a great impact on our budget, because I finally broke the habit.  Since Easter I’ve only bought ONE magazine at the grocery store.  (Full disclosure:  that will become two later today because the pictures of Jenna Bush’s wedding have been released and I need details.)

 

Now, there are other magazines that I have subscriptions to which were not off the plate: 

Entertainment Weekly – I read it cover to cover EVERY week. 

Real Simple  - My subscription just expired and I didn’t renew…their ideas are great but I wasn’t using them.  Life is more fun when it’s complicated, right?  Simple, shmimple. 

Family Fun – Obviously.

Brain, Child – Moms, pick up a copy of this one the next time you’re at Barnes and Noble.  (You might have to dig for it.  It’s usually between Natural Mothering and Cricket.)  This is a hilarious “essay-style” magazine for progressive moms.  (I guess I’m a sorta-progressive mom…these women are SERIOUSLY progressive. Still, the writing is incredible and I always laugh til it hurts.)

Relevant – a Christian magazine that mixes pop culture with theology.  Good articles.  And not too conservative, which I appreciate.  (In other words, the Velveeta isn’t melting.)

 

I’d love to hear what magazines (if any) you can’t live without.  Maybe I’ll find a new one to add to my list!!

 

Hug your Kids

I read the awful news this morning about Steven Curtis Chapman’s daughter’s death yesterday.  This is so terribly sad.  We just don’t expect a life to end at age 4 or 5.  It’s not right. 

 

So this morning, this terrible morning where I’ve yelled and my daughter and she’s yelled at me and I’ve wished that I didn’t have to deal with all of this crap, this morning I’m reminded again that she is a gift.  And that it’s a gift we won’t have forever.  And that I need to be grateful. 

 

God, help me be grateful. 

 

Pray for the Chapman family…there are five kids that just lost a sister, and the pain of losing your sibling is beyond belief.  I know, I’ve been there.  And there are two parents who lost their precious girl…that pain surely defies description. 

Hope

I think one of the hardest things about being a parent is the uncertainty of your child’s future.  Of course we hope that she’ll become a productive member of society, but we have no idea if that will actually happen.  And on the way there, we hope that she won’t stumble too many times.  I mean, I expect the requisite number of obstacles (probably more in my daughter’s case), but we’d like to get to the end of the marathon with our child intact (mentally, emotionally, physically…)

 There are so many days when I think we’re not going to make it.  And then there are days like last Saturday.  Days that God gives us to say “See, I’m taking care of you.  It’s going to be fine.  She’s going to be fine.”

 On Saturday morning Abigail competed in the “Fun Meet” at her gymnastics gym.  (A “gymnastics gym” sounds odd and extremely redundant, but what else do you call it?  I digress.)  She is not on a team of any sort; this was just a chance for the kids in recreational gymnastics to do their routines and experience a meet.  I didn’t know how Miss A would do.  I hoped she would really put it all out there and do her best, because I know how great that feels and I thought it would be a great boost for her self-esteem.  But she tends to under-perform sometimes.  She gets distracted, or mad, or sad, or frustrated and she just gets off track. 

 Well, color me PROUD because my little sweetie got out there and blew it out!!  She was fantastic, if I do say so myself.  She rocked it, earning herself four blue ribbons and an all-around medal!!  Woo Hoo!!

 Now I realize that we are talking about recreational gymnastics in small-town Texas, but for my baby girl this was a BIG, BIG deal.  A MAJOR step in the right direction. 

 And most of all, it gives us hope.  Hope that she can succeed.  And accomplish goals.  And reach for her dreams.  I hope…